Improve your Stress Response
In part one, Understand your Stress Response, I introduced the three different types of response that we can have under stress: Fight, Flight, and Freeze. They are the automatic response of the body when there is a perceived threat and typically all of these reactions are very unhelpful in a work environment. Often they either lead to an escalation into full-blown, open conflict (in the case of a ‘fight’ response) or they exclude or shut down part of the team (in the case of ‘flight' or ‘freeze’ responses) and stop any new ideas or real collaboration because the work environment doesn’t feel safe.
The alternative choice so you can limit the negative effect of these stress responses in the workplace is to practice assertiveness. Each of the three response types requires a focus on different strategies to move away from the automatic stress response so you can deliberately choose a better, more assertive response instead.
Overcoming the ‘Fight’ Response
People tend to use the ‘Fight’ Response when they are relatively certain that they are able to overcome the threat or overpower their opponent. It is an aggressive response that is designed to defend against an attack. In the workplace this might be a reaction to a perceived or real criticism, so overcoming the ‘fight’ response often requires moving away from defensiveness.
One quick way to stop the ‘fight’ response is to use the ‘Traffic Light’ System (it’s not just for kids!):
STOP! Take 3 deep, slow breaths to engage the parasympathetic nervous system and turn off the stress response.
Think! Don’t just react - respond! Before responding, check your assumptions: Were you really attacked? What evidence is there for that assumption? What else might be going on instead? And what is the best response that would offer the most benefits for everyone involved?
Act! Decide which option is best, assess what you might need to make it work, and carry out your chosen solution.
Overcoming the ‘Flight’ Response
The ‘Flight’ Response is usually what we choose if we’re faced with a situation that we don’t think we can win, so we try to get away instead. In the workplace this might be because the perceived threat comes from someone in a position of power or authority, and there is a fear of what the consequences might be if you ‘fight back’. This means in order to overcome the ‘flight’ response you will need to face your fear of confrontation.
To act assertively rather than being passive and falling back on the ‘flight’ response, you need to start with reassessing your beliefs about conflict. Do you see conflict as a scary thing to be avoided at all costs? Confrontation can in fact be healthy if it is done in a respectful way. Practice stating your thoughts, feelings, and needs, and own them. For example, you could say “When you […] I feel […]. In future, I’d like you to […] instead”. Make sure not to blame or accuse (you might push the other person into the ‘fight’ response), state how their behaviour impacts you or others, and what you would like them to do instead. If this feels like too big a step then break it down and start small. First speak up with someone you trust and feel safe with, before you move on to confronting colleagues you currently feel intimidated by.
Overcoming the ‘Freeze’ Response
We usually choose the ‘Freeze’ Response as a last resort when neither fighting nor running away seem like they will work and end the stressful situation. The biological purpose of this reaction is to get a predator to lose interest by ‘playing dead’ and at work this usually looks like withdrawing or shutting down. Often people who tend to have this reaction under stress feel frustrated with themselves afterwards, so to overcome the ‘freeze’ response you need to learn to respond assertively in the situation.
Same as all the stress responses, the freeze reaction is involuntary, so it is important to learn to anticipate your most common triggers. They might be something like unexpectedly being asked for your input by a superior or being questioned in front of others. Depending on your main triggers, prepare some go-to responses and practice them so you know what to say if one of your trigger situations arises. For example, if a colleague publicly undermines you, you might say something like: “I do not appreciate being spoken to this way.” Another important component of becoming more assertive if you usually tend to shut down is to examine and replace your limiting beliefs so you do not make yourself feel powerless. If you have the belief “I’ll get fired if I stand up to others” you will freeze because the imagined consequence seems severe, regardless of how likely that outcome really is. To overcome this you need to work on replacing that belief with a more balanced belief like “I can speak up for myself and still be safe.”
A Word on Assertiveness
One important thing to bear in mind is that assertiveness should not be confused with aggressiveness or dominating others. That is not assertiveness, it is a form of abuse. Assertiveness means taking your own rights, needs and desires into account as well as those of the other person. The aim is to achieve a win-win scenario in which all sides benefit from the implemented solution. If you can react assertively under pressure rather than being aggressive, submissive, or manipulative then you can achieve better outcomes for everyone and reduce or even eliminate any negative impact that your usual stress response might have caused.
BEYOND THE BLOG
If you want to end the struggle with stress, work-life balance issues, and improve your mental well-being or your leadership and management skills, book a free, no-obligation 30-minute Discovery Call with me.
